NO ANSWER.
the house is quite.
No calls from Daddy,
he is gone and this is not another nightmare.
this is the story of how dad was taken away from us. since 2017 I could not
tell the entire story, until now.... next month will be his 2nd yr death anniversary.
I usually prepare coffee for dad... his favorite breakfast, while I look after the
LANSHOP. these where happy days, when I get to tell stories and Dad listens.
Dad has difficulty urinating, difficulty walking(due to constant muscle cramps)
he has Peripheral artery disease. and has been suffering since 2013. he stopped
working and retired the summer of 2015.
From 2015-2017 We (me and my mom) would take turns taking care of Dad.
I know he was in a lot of difficulty, but he never complained. imagine having
difficulty to urinate and having leg cramps at the same time? having difficulty
climbing the stairs usually we need to assist him up. leg will be in pain whenever
its exposed to a cold room. he is healthy from head down to his hips, half body
only. he had been this way every year until his last birthday.
he has difficulty walking, he couldnt stand for more than 10 secs. because of leg
cramps, he has prostate to he needs to count to ten just to push the urine out, he has
difficulty going to the comfort room, so he always took meds just to made everything
easier, yes, LBM everyday, how difficult is that? and mother was the one to clean
the mess every time. it has been like this the past few months since January 2017.
he has an accident August 24, 2017, coffee suddenly spilled to his entire arm.
I was not home then, I was in Ayuntamiento attending a seminar about Bonifacio
I was told he still remained calm, with that much pain, after 2 days the effect of
that stress finally was revealed.
August 25, I could still hear dad counting 1..7 desperately to urinate but to no avail.
the next morning was the start of hell in my life, its fathers birthday and he has his
first attack, (stroke) he can still move but had difficulty talking, and his lip and half of
his face is a little bit deformed.. dad asked mother " is this the end? am I going to die?"
my first mistake was I continued working. we continued with the day's activity being
ignorant that its already a medical emergency.
at night, we decided to take dad to the hospital, that time my two cars was not in running
condition so we took GRAB, yes that was my first time to use Grab. and not realizing that
that was dad's last ride inside a car. the grab driver was kind enough to help me carry
him down, I am still fit back then and could easily carry 90lbs. dad was very heavy, he
just weighs short of 100lbs. but we cannot carry him.(both me and the taxi driver)
later, I discovered that this is a sign of an impending doom.
I hate to recall the hour by hour progress and how everything went on. because it just
brings sadness to me.
we checked in to an unknown hospital in Valenzuela, named Sanctisima hospital
at the hospital. on the first few hours, he can still recall his birthday, age, name,
but as hours pass by, he has difficulty with memory and speech. when he was admitted
to his room, he wanted to go down for a stroll, we were so foolish we did not allow
him to walk, that could have been his last stroll with us.
at bedtime, we would take turns watching over him, he would smash his to arms against
the bed involuntarily, yes we know he is in pain. but he chose not to let us know.
he told me it was exercise. but we know it is not. he cannot control his muscles anymore.
mother decided to tie one of his hand that is smashing the bedside(steel) she knew its going
to be a hard decision but needs to be done because we cant stand the bruises dad got from the
repeated smashing, around one smash per 2 secs. imagine the difficulty of not being able
to scratch the itchiness.
the next day dad tried to speak but has difficulty speaking, he told me
"guwa yaw kiu di, uhm ng ku thue kah huwi" he told me not to take the everyday sales
money and the family budget for expenses.
then his final word, "guwa boh huwat thang kong weh loh" I am not able to speak with you
any longer.
the next day the wife of Derrick came, and dad was able to recognize her, "AIMEE..."
He spoke, but did not recognize auntie Violeta, Uncle Johny, just a blank stare, we
discovered that in the next few hours, he cannot see anymore, he has lost his vision
permanently.
I discovered that his hip was swolen from one side and I can tell that he must have
a big fall the morning of Aug 26. and may have damage a tendon from the fall.
the next day all he can utter is "hoolaahhh!!" "HOOHHH LAAHH!!" which is "oo na!!"
he kept doing that for an hour. then all was silent.
he now falls into a comma. on August 31.
I am preparing myself for the worst then. we had a meeting with mother and Derrick
we decided not to bring dad to the ICU and not to revive or put any instruments
because it will only prolong the pain. on Sept 3, our doctor told us to prepare for the
worst, anytime, we may loose him. on the afternoon of that day I was left alone
with dad, I told him everything, my hate for my auntie, all my shortcomings, my fault
for not bringing him to a well known hospital because it was the fastest thing to do
my secret extravagant lifestyle, my girls, everything, he kept squeezing my hand with
such strength as an athlete. and that was our last moment....
I was not there on his last moment, on his death bed, I was not there, I was late for
2 minutes. I did not witness my worst fear.
he died peacefully in his sleep? no, his breath got short, until he gasped for air and
finally left this world. without me by his side.
he died Sept 4, 2017 530pm
WHERE IS DADDY?
he is not with us anymore, where is he? I really do not know, honestly.
its one of the many reason why I kind of stopped writing about my life and
stopped my travels to places. its one of my frustration and untold stress.
but in a way, as I write this, it has been released.
today is the second day of Chinese hungry ghost month. usually this has always been
a cause for concern. but not anymore, I am now a christian.
I started going to CCF Caloocan to cure my depression and to get away from my
stress and the many troubles that haunted me every night after I lost my dad,
my business, and the house where I stayed for 15 yrs.
everything is getting better now, as days have gone by.it will be 2 yrs this Sept.
I am sure this shall come to pass.
death comes like a thief. anytime.
everyone dies. One day, we will all die.
we will stop and the world will just carry on. Lovers will love. Others will
laugh or cry. Sometimes alone.... Sometimes together....
but the radio will keep playing....
But we will be gone.one day. And the radio will keep playing the timeless
Santa Jomari claus medyeys every ber month for years to come.
Only the love you gave, the souls you touched & the people you changed,
will remain. YOUR LEGACY.
They will carry on for you. pick up where you left off. AND that is the
circle of life.
friends reading this... love your parents.I had always focused my energy and
time at my shop. never enough time, for dad... and now there is no more time.
DAD..... Its going to be your Second year without us on tues. Yes.
Am still doin what I promised. Life goea on..
LOVERBOY signing out
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